9 Tasty New Cocktail Recipes for the Office!
Alcoholic drinks are named after many themes, from certain beach activities to strange old hoaxes. But underrepresented in the cocktail world are office-themed drinks. And while there is a church (work) and state (everywhere else) libation division, the occasional office party needs its cocktail canon clarified. Here to fix the problem are nine office-appropriate original cocktail and shot recipes. The “Blue Screen of Death”A sharp, pungent, and unwelcome cocktail traditionally served spontaneously and in totally inappropriate situations.
Fill your glass half-full with clear soda waterAdd a twist of limeStir serenelyWithout warning, suddenly pour 1oz of Sour Blue Pucker and 1oz of blackberry schnappsThrow ice at the cupShake furiouslyServe whatever is left in the glass and storm out of the room
The “Fax Machine”An arcane, difficult, and ultimately-unsatisfying cocktail for people who honestly believe they were better-off before email.
1 sugar cube in a glassAdd a splash of soda waterGet out your muddle. Muddle the sugar.Fill with whiskey to the topAdd to shaker with ice. Shake with an air of ambivalenceGet out your Hawthorne Strainer. Strain over a fresh glass with ice.Don’t forget a dash of BittersAdd a splash of Tab soda and serve with a swizzle stick
The “Howard Schultz”Named after the Starbucks CEO, the Howard Schultz is inspired by the brand’s popular line of coffee-flavored desserts.
In a Styrofoam cup, combine:1pt vodka1pt Kahlua1pt simple syrup1pt chocolate liqueur1 dash of AdderallPour over foamed milk and serve smugly
The “Pink Slip”An office favorite. Due to the discomfort involved in consuming the beverage, the Pink Slip is seldom served twice.
Turn shotglass upside-downOn the upturned underside of the shotglass, splash a few drops of Cinnamon Aftershock (the surface tension will hold them in place)Add a pinch of saltSnort the mixture intranasallyQuickly excuse yourself from the room to sob privately in the bathroom
The “Gordon Gekko”An obscenely expensive and wholly-unnecessary cocktail reserved for the ultra-wealthy.
1pt Golschlägen1pt gold, powderedCombine in a chaliceFloat a splash of Everclear over the mixtureIgnite. Light a cigar over the flaming beverageThrow the drink away. Enjoy your cigar
The “Keurig”Named after the brand of office coffee makers which the drink requires, this is a playful early-morning drink that begs to be shared.
In a Keurig-brand coffee machine, combine1pt vodka1pt Baileys1pt KahluaLoad your favorite pre-packaged coffee blend into the machine and enjoy an alcohol-fueled caffeine-boost!
The “Madoff”An tricky, unethical beverage best-suited for large gatherings.
Take 1 shot from your friend, but promise you’ll repay him with two shots in one hourEnjoy your free shotFind three more friends and make the same deal with them for a total of 3 new shotsGo ahead and give friend #1 those two shots you owe him; take the third for yourselfScam continues exponentiallySee how long you can keep this up…
The “Tony Hayward” An embarrassing cocktail best consumed quickly before anyone sees you.
Rim a very large tumbler in coarse-grain sea saltFill halfway with waterTop-off glass with crude oil.Shake and serve unapologetically over an endangered sea creature
The “M.B.A. Student”An overrated cocktail that you’re probably better-off not making at all.
1pt whatever you’ve gotServe frequently, as much as you can
Photos courtesy of ginnerobot, Unlisted Sightings, alpha du centaure, Robert S. Donovan, and YLegrand, available under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.
